Monday, August 15, 2011


I love the media.  From stories about overflowing dumpsters to a drunk man urinating on a girl on an airplane, they always seem to report the most important news.  Today's big story: Mark Sanchez telling GQ magazine that he wanted to fight Rex Ryan when the New York Jets coach considered benching him last year.


I know what you're thinking: What's GQ magazine?  GQ stands for Gentlemen's Quarterly (even though the magazine comes out monthly and not four times a year-- how silly).  If you have ever said aloud, "I am a gentlemen.  I care a lot about style, fashion, and culture.  It is time for me to go get my eyebrows done," then you probably read this magazine.

Sigh*  Someone needs to beat up Mark Sanchez.  Come on, Bart Scott.

Back to today's story!  (What a good transition sentence between paragraphs!)  The fact that Sanchez saying he wanted to fight Rex Ryan is an actual news story astounds me.  First off, does anyone really think Sanchez would ever in a million years try to fight Rex Ryan?  The answer is no.  No one thinks this.  And if you say you do, then you are a liar.  There is nothing worse than a liar (besides a criminal).  

All Sanchez said was, "I wanted to fight him.  I was really mad," and the writers of the New York Post thought-- There's our front page story!  Granted, it is the New York Post.  But, the Sanchez wanting to fight Rex Ryan story made headlines everywhere.  It's a main story on The Huffington Post Sports website and an article on the Yahoo homepage is titled, "Star QB Admits He Wanted to Fight Coach."  Gaaaahhhhh (frustrated sound)!  This isn't newsworthy!  Also, it's ridiculous.  I'm sure Mark had no idea anyone would make a big deal about what he said.  The truth is, he and Rex are probably having a good laugh about it.

A sinister laugh, that is.

I know that I am being part of the problem-- spreading silly news-- by writing this article about the Sanchez quote.  But at least my article is about how people shouldn't be writing articles about stories like these.  Sometimes you have to be part of the problem to be part of the solution.  (Does that make sense?!  I don't know!)

I'm thinking about it, but I just don't know.

But, if Sanchez ever did fight Rex Ryan (he's not going to), who would win?  (Here I go-- being a hypocrite and exploring something I said didn't merit reporting on!)



Height: 6-2
Weight: 225
Age: 24
College: USC
Occupation: NY Jets Starting Quarterback



Height: 6-3
Weight: 273
Age: 48
College: Southwester Oklahoma State
Occupation: NY Jets Head Coach

I hate to tell Sanchez this, but there's a 70% chance Rex Ryan would beat him up.  Sanchez is a good athlete, but he's also a pretty boy.  He couldn't take a punch from Rex Ryan.

Come on, Sanchez.

Rex Ryan wouldn't back down either.  Don't forget who his father was.  When Buddy Ryan was the defensive coordinator of the Oilers, he punched Kevin Gilbride, the team's offensive coordinator, in the face.  And they were on the same team!

That little old man will punch you in the face.

Rex has a height, weight, and toughness advantage.  It's also only a matter of time before he will get to appear on the cover of GQ.

Lookin' good.