Many people are complaining about how bad the Oscars were this year. I am here to present you with a solution!
Next year...in February... there will be... the first annual JEFFREY AWARDS!!!
I know what you're thinking: The Jeffreys will be just like the Oscars. Well, you are partially right. The Jeffreys are like the Oscars... only a million times better!
Instead of 6,000 lame, old academy members voting for winners, we will have a team of 10-12 former or current NYU Tisch Dramatic Writing students. This team of qualified movie experts will vote, first to determine the nominees, and then later to determine the winners. This will be an open ballot so that people can be held accountable for their votes.
I've taken some of the problems people have with the Oscars into account when devising the Jeffreys.
The Oscars are long and boring: 24 awards, most of which no one cares about, and (mostly) boring acceptance speeches.
There will be only EIGHT Jeffrey Awards each year:
Best Picture (ONLY 5 films will be nominated)
Best Supporting Actor
Best Supporting Actress
Best Screenplay (Adapted and Original both fall under this category)
Best Animated Film
In addition to the eight awards, the films that finish 2nd and 3rd in Best Picture voting will receive a certificate.
This past year, Anne Hathaway and James Franco bombed at the Oscars. The Jeffreys will have no such problem as I will be hosting and I have phenomenal hosting skills. Co-hosting with me will be an equally fantastic host, but I don't want to spoil the surprise of who it will be.
The Jeffreys will have amazing presenters, musical numbers, skits, and maybe even a celebrity guest or two. There is also a good chance that there will be a streaker, or that someone will fall down.
It'll only take a year or two before the Jeffreys are more popular and credible than the Oscars (or at least the Golden Globes).
So, tune in next year and watch the Jeffrey Awards on my blog, youtube, or (probably) FOX!