(Old) THE JEFFREY AND JENNIFER SHOW EPISODE

Here's Episode 1 of THE JEFFREY AND JENNIFER SHOW from last summer.  Due to high production costs, Episode 2 was never filmed, as promised at the end of the video.  However, there are rumors that a second season of this instant cult sensation will be filming soon!! 

SEASON 1, EPISODE 1: Jeffrey and Jennifer discuss the TOP 10 ANIMALS!!

Missing Plants!!

Two days ago, while staying at the Morningside Inn (a bedbug-free hotel), I saw the following sheet prominently displayed by the elevator:

This was puzzling to me.  In the past, I have seen posters for missing people, dogs, or even cats (I do not like cats), but I have never heard of someone searching for his or her missing plants.  Did an avid plant collector visit the Morningside Inn, carry his plants around the hotel, and somehow lose them one by one?  Did this plant collector have dementia, or the thing that the main character in Memento has?  I do not know.

I will find out who raped and murdered my wife.  Then, I will find out where I left my plants.

I asked the woman at the front desk about the sign, but she was not very helpful.  She said that she thinks someone simply forgot their plants in their hotel room and wanted them back.  This does not make sense to me because if this was the case the hotel staff could just retrieve the plants from the room.  I think the front desk woman is a liar.

I wanted the $20 anyway so I started to search the hotel.  I felt like Mario in Super Mario 64, hunting for stars to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser.  (Except I was looking for plants, not stars, and my reward was $20, not a princess.)

Luckily, I was able to find all of the plants.

First, I found a ficus.

Then, I found a venus flytrap.

Then, I found Treebeard from Lord of the Rings.

This picture I cannot explain.

I was very happy and got the $20 reward. 

POUND DOGS

The summer is one of my favorite seasons (it's third, after fall and spring).  

Here are some positives and negatives about the summer.

POSITIVES                     NEGATIVES

no shoveling                                              get sweaty

can tan                 sun burn      

do not need clothes                                  birds chirping wakes me up

Summer Olympics (only once every 4 years)                  bees

my birthday allergies

I could go to sleep if not for this chirping bird!

However, there is one major negative that bumps the summer further down on the awesomeness scale... The TV season ends!!  Tonight we say goodbye to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Survivor, Desperate Housewives, and The Cleveland Show.  I hope you've got a DVR!

I hope you really don't watch this show!

Real Americans watch TV.  It doesn't matter what show suits your fancy, be it Law & Order SVU, Justified, or Vampire Diaries.  If you don't watch TV then you're probably not reading this blog because you don't have a computer and live in the woods and hunt for your own food (unless you have made the four hour drive to the nearest town to go to a library to use a computer).

So what are you supposed to do now that your favorite TV show is gone for the summer?  Should you play board games with your kids?  Should you go outside and get some exercise?  Should you read something?  The answer to all of these questions is "no" (except the first one, because no is not an acceptable answer to that question).

Board games like this are most certainly not family friendly (like Two and a Half Men)!

I have come up with a fantastic TV show and I have no doubt FOX will think it's a perfect lead-in for Hell's Kitchen on Tuesday nights (sorry Masterchef).

What is this fantastic show... It's POUND DOGS!

(I was going to call my show Pound Puppies, but there's actually a line of toys by that name.  My second choice was Rescue Me, but this is the name of a show with firefighters.)

Pound Dogs is a reality competition which pits dogs without homes against one another.  We'll start out with twelve dogs (different breeds, varied cuteness levels).  Each week the dogs will do different tasks that let us learn more about them.  One week the dogs will go to a hospital to comfort the ill.  One week there'll be a dog fashion show.  One week the dogs will run around and jump through hoops.  (I have lots of other ideas, too.)

Ready for the fashion show!

After each episode, YOU, the viewer, get to call a special number and vote for your favorite dog.  (You only have two hours to call, but you can call as many times as you want.)  On Wednesday night at 8:00 (FOX will have to shorten So You Think You Can Dance to just one hour), we'll have the Pound Dogs Results Show.  The dog with the fewest votes from the night before will be "put down" (killed) at the end of the show.  The remaining dogs get to stay on the show!

"Please vote for me."

Finally, we get to the big finale... only two dogs remain!  After the winner is revealed (and the runner-up goes to doggy heaven), the winning dog gets the big prize, a loving family to care for him (assuming the winner is a male dog).

What's that smell?  Oh... it's money!  It's the smell of fifteen million viewers watching Pound Dogs and advertisers forking over 500K for a thirty-second spot twenty!

*In all seriousness, according to the Humane Society, four million cats and dogs are put down in shelters each year.  So go out, get a dog, neuter him (or spay her), turn off the TV, and take your new dog for a walk.

Job Opening For the Ladies!!

There's currently a job posting on the NYU Wasserman Center for Career Development site that promises "the potential to make unlimited $$$" for female college students who are "daring" and "not afraid to explore and live on the wild side."  The only qualifications listed are an "open mind and fun attitude" (and you presumably must be at least mildly attractive). Basically, it is a job for girls who want to be escorts.  To apply all you need to do is send two photos of yourself.  No resume or cover letter needed!

Complete posting below:

*Thanks to Nylah Lummer for bringing this posting to my attention.  Sadly, I am not a woman and cannot apply.