Friday, October 8, 2010


I'm posting my resume below in case any of you want to hire me.  I will work for food.
Don't worry, that is just my finger.

JeffREY “J FIzzle” SCOTT
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
Cell Phone: 732-735-XXXX
E-mail: No e-mail

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (2003 – 2010)
Gryffindor House (Concentration in Potions)

Work experience
CIA Operative, Location: Secret (October 2009 – Present)
Field Agent
·     Travel all over the world completing secret missions
·     Disarm nuclear bombs
·     Create new weapons
·     Highly trained in all forms of martial arts
·     Killed Osama Bin Laden

Personal Assistant, Los Angeles, CA (May 2008 – September 2008)
Personal Assistant to Lady Gaga
·     Designed all of Lady Gaga’s outfits
·     Wrote “Poker Face” and “Bad Romance”
·     Picked up cocaine for Lady GaGa
·     Had sex with Lady GaGa

Illusionist, London, England (January 2007 – May 2007)
Master Illusionist
·     Created illusions to please audiences
·     Vanished into thin air—then reappeared
·     Sawed woman in half (she did not die)
·     Learned British accent

Tree, A Park, Maryland (May 1988 – July 1997)
Giving Tree
·       Provided shade
·       Provided fruit
·       Provided wood
·       Boy grew up and chopped me down

·       Founder of NAACP
·       Delivered a baby
·       Played basketball with Barack Obama

Special Skills
·       Quiddich, superhuman strength, heat vision, monkey powers
·       I have the strength of a gorilla, the speed of a jaguar, and the intelligence of a normal human