Don't worry, that is just my finger.
JeffREY “J FIzzle” SCOTT
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
Cell Phone: 732-735-XXXX
E-mail: No e-mail
Education
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (2003 – 2010)
Gryffindor House (Concentration in Potions)
Work experience
CIA Operative, Location: Secret (October 2009 – Present)
Field Agent
· Travel all over the world completing secret missions
· Disarm nuclear bombs
· Create new weapons
· Highly trained in all forms of martial arts
· Killed Osama Bin Laden
Personal Assistant, Los Angeles, CA (May 2008 – September 2008)
Personal Assistant to Lady Gaga
· Designed all of Lady Gaga’s outfits
· Wrote “Poker Face” and “Bad Romance”
· Picked up cocaine for Lady GaGa
· Had sex with Lady GaGa
Illusionist, London, England (January 2007 – May 2007)
Master Illusionist
· Created illusions to please audiences
· Vanished into thin air—then reappeared
· Sawed woman in half (she did not die)
· Learned British accent
Tree, A Park, Maryland (May 1988 – July 1997)
Giving Tree
· Provided shade
· Provided fruit
· Provided wood
· Boy grew up and chopped me down
Accomplishments
· Founder of NAACP
· Delivered a baby
· Played basketball with Barack Obama
Special Skills
· Quiddich, superhuman strength, heat vision, monkey powers
· I have the strength of a gorilla, the speed of a jaguar, and the intelligence of a normal human
