The 10 People I'm Having Over For Dinner

Oh, hello there.  I am having an amazing dinner party and you're invited.  You're invitation is in the mail (I am very old-fashioned and don't believe in e-mail).  What's great about this dinner party is that it is a magical dinner party.  You see, I was able to invite anyone, fictional or nonfictional, living or dead.  In addition to you and I, I was allowed to invite ten others (I cheated and there are actually a few more than ten other guests).  Everyone else has already RSVP'd (they'll all be attending).  I hope you can make it!

GUEST LIST

1. Wolverine

We want the dinner party to be cool, don't we?  (We do.)  Well, no one is cooler than Wolverine.  He probably won't talk too much, but that's fine; when he does talk, everyone will listen.  We will have a special smoking corner for Wolverine for when he wants to have a cigar (since we don't want everyone else to get black lungs).

He needs a fork and a spoon, but not a knife.

MARCH MADNESS WITH MASCOTS: THE SWEET SIXTEEN

If you're anything like me (and if you're reading this, there's a good chance that you are me re-reading my work), then your bracket is completely and hopelessly busted.  Thanks a lot Missouri and Florida State.  There goes any chance that I'll be applying to either of your grad schools.

Luckily for us, Yahoo has something called the Second Chance Bracket.  Basically, if you predict the rest of the games correctly and win a bunch of tie breakers you win $5,000.

Since my method of picking teams by analyzing games didn't work last time, I'll be picking winners based on college mascots.  This is probably what I should've been doing all along.  Let's take a look at who's going to be squaring off on Thursday and Friday.

Top 10 Worst Toy Fads!

Time to get nostalgic, ladies and gents!  Let’s countdown the Top 10 Worst Toy Fads!  Admit it, you had a bunch of these things.

Top 10 Films of 2011!

Drum roll please. (*Drum, drum, drum, drum, drum* sound.)  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, (and old people too,) it is time for the article you’ve all been waiting for…JEFFREY’S TOP 10 FILMS OF 2011!!!!!!!  (Look how many exclamation points I used—how obnoxious!!!!)

As always, Oscar failed to nominate many of the year’s best pictures and instead honored several undeserving works (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, War Horse, The Help).  I am, of course, not referring to the Oscars, the awards show, but to the film rankings done by my great uncle Oscar, who’s a bit of a film buff himself.  Just kidding (I don’t have a great uncle Oscar)!  I really did mean the Oscars!  In fact, you should check out the Jeffreys, which I hear are actually more credible and a million times better than the Oscars now.

All in all, 2011 was a very weak year for movies.  There were actually only two movies this year that blew me away.  And, while there were some other films that were very good, most weren’t great, four-star films.

Without further ado, here they are: